HOW TO SAVE ‘FACE’ BELOW THE WAIST

In medieval times, it was considered good luck to have a piece of the bride’s wedding dress. Guests would fight for a strip of fabric that would change their lives for the better. As time evolved, our wily brides, in an act of self-preservation, decided it best to “toss” items at the guests in order to avoid any inappropriate touching and related casualties: dark times for the wedding community. Let’s get past the age-old guy question of whether “to toss or not to toss” and go with the assumption that you and your bride agree to have this tradition as part of your wedding.

Tradition now dictates that the groom removes the garter and throws it to all the single male guests at the wedding. Whoever catches it will be the next to marry, in theory. Here are a couple key points that will help you navigate the potentially treacherous waters of the most anticipated tradition of the wedding.

1) Do not attempt to remove the garter with your teeth. Trust me, unless you’re in Amsterdam, no one wants to see you stick your head up your wife’s dress, emerging with an undergarment between your pearly whites. Venturing underneath the modern wedding dress can be very dangerous. It has more layers than the psyche of a forty year old virgin and is prime territory to either hurt yourself or worse, take a chunk out of your wife’s thigh as you bite down in search of the flimsy lace.

2) Your bride should be seated but not facing the crowd. Most of your guests do not want to see up her dress. Hopefully, both you and your new wife agree that this is potentially embarrassing and inappropriate.

3) No striptease music. No one is ever as sexy as they think they are, so unless you’re smooth like silk and soft as butter, have the DJ play something a little more fun and playful.

4) Finally, try moving the toss off of the dance floor. You’ve seen the injuries when people are just dancing; imagine if you add an excuse to fight for a “prize” on the most slippery surface in the room.

A few alternate suggestions for the garter toss that are rapidly gaining acceptance within the wedding community:

1) Toss a dummy garter and wait until you and your wife are in private to remove the real one. This would be a better time for the ‘stripper’ music and accompanying moves.

2) Maybe use this moment as a way to set up two of your friends. Make sure the girl catches the bouquet and the guy the garter. Tradition says those two share a dance, so make sure this tradition sticks. It’s all right…it’s your wedding.

--Ryan Bernstein

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