THE PLAYERS, RULES, AND REGULATIONS OF THE STAG
It’s Play Time
Your best friend has finally found a woman gullible enough to marry him. Now comes the fun part - throwing him a bachelor party! Before you rent the strippers and the donkey, there are a few things you should know.
Planning the event
When choosing an activity it’s important to consider the personality of the groom as well as the guests. After all, just because you enjoy midget tossing doesn’t mean everyone else will. Some sure-fire hits include an outing to a strip club, a day on the links, an organized bar-hop, a booze cruise or a night of gambling. Regardless of how it begins, every great bachelor party always ends with either an intervention or a police standoff.
The Players
The best way of assembling your guest list is to confer with the groom himself. In addition to his own hand-picked posse, you might also want to surprise him by inviting an old frat buddy, a long lost childhood friend or a pair of long-legged Norwegian twins. If possible, always avoid inviting the bride’s father, particularly if he has a) a heart condition or b) a long memory.
The Players cont.
Once you’ve agreed upon your list make sure to send out invitations at least three weeks before the big event so friends and family members can plan accordingly. Since the event will likely cost a few dollars it’s also perfectly acceptable to ask each guest to contribute in advance.
Timing
Never hold a bachelor party the night before the wedding. Although the groom might not mind if he shows up to church hung over and pantless, his bride most certainly will.
Transportation
The only designated driver at your party should be the one with his own limo. Arranging to have professional transportation to each venue will ultimately save you money as well as headaches.
Rules and Regulations
1. Ordering a stripper is perfectly permissible. Ordering a stripper related to the groom is not.
2. Whatever happens at the bachelor party stays at the bachelor party. That means no photos, no videos and no evidence. If anyone asks, you ate pizza and went to a batting cage. That’s it.
3. Always carry enough money to cover bail.
Rules and Regulations cont.
4. Under no circumstances may the groom be allowed to pass out before 8:00 p.m. Stick him with a Red Bull intravenous if you must, but whatever you do, keep him awake.
5. Bear in mind that not all alcohol is created equal. Beer, scotch and tequila are all appropriate bachelor party drinks. Cosmopolitans, wine coolers and Apple Puckers are not.
Rules and Regulations cont.
6. If you’re planning to humiliate the groom in public, at least do him the honor of getting him drunk first.
7. Be a hero by remembering to bring along the two bachelor party essentials: a) aspirin and b) plenty of one dollar bills.
8. Never bad mouth the bride. You’ll have plenty of time to do that once your buddy is actually married.
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